Honey, Are You Listening To Me?

How’s your couple communication been going lately? Would you describe your relationship with the words “good communication?” Do you find yourself saying “Honey Are You Even Listening?” Have you ever felt as though your spouse wasn’t listening to you when you were saying something really important? Do you notice that your spouse is more interested in his/her cell phone that they are with you? You are not alone.  Lack of good communication could be the culprit.

Distractions like get lost in your cell phone can be detrimental to the well being of a couple. Although these convenience devices are a necessary way of connecting with the world, they have a way of pulling us from away being present to the ones we care about the most. The irony is that the better connected we are electronically, the more disconnected we feel from others. Before you know it, you are drifting apart from your spouse, not even realizing how it happened in the first place.

Your life may be busy with obligations and you may find that you are overbooked, over scheduled and overstretched. You could also be distracted by worry, work overload and continual interruptions, especially if you have little ones at home. Many conversations couples have tend to be spoken in sound bites and may seem fractured, not whole. This all affects good communication.

Sometimes, one partner can be more distracted and distant in a relationship than the other. It can be tempting to blame the distracted partner for the disconnections in your relationship and lack of couple communication. You may resort to nagging or name calling, either of which gets you the desired results you want and is never effective. Strengthening your marriage may seem like a challenge, but it can be accomplished.

Five tips for better communication

1. Take a serious look at how you are spending and using your time. You DO have control over how you spend some of your time every day. Take some time to identify what your distractions are and develop a plan to reduce some of them from your environment. This will go a long way in restoring loving connection and better communication

2. Learn to restrict your electronic devices usage or simply TURN THEM OFF. This is a necessary good habit to establish when trying to reconnect with your spouse. Check your phone usage and ask yourself if you are using your phone to avoid good communication with your partner. You need to make time to speak love, show love and make love. Making this sacred space in your life to lovingly connect with your partner will reap rewards.

3. When you do have the time in your schedule, decide how you both want to spend it together. Spend your time together purposefully, not haphazardly. Make a list of actives you both enjoy. What were the kind of things you used to do together when you were first dating? Start getting out there and making it happen.

4. What keeps you up at night? If worry is keeping you distracted, consider opening up and sharing your worries and concerns with your mate regularly. Keeping problems to yourself makes you feel more isolated and alone and disconnected from your spouse Do you need to vent or do you want advice? Tell your spouse what you need from him/her. If you need more love, attention, time or respect from your spouse, claim it, name it and ask for it

5. Be more empathetic toward your spouse. Take time to get in touch with your partner’s feelings. Don’t label your spouse’s distraction as a character flaw.  If you struggle with empathy, couples counseling can help!

Cultivating more time and attention into your relationship using better couple communication is key to eliminating the negative effects of distraction in your marriage. With a little extra effort, compassion and understanding, you can reduce unnecessary distractions from harming your relationship while building more connection with each othe”