As spring rolls into summer, it brings with it the season of high school and college graduations. Throughout our life we attend many graduations, some of which are traditional and some not so traditional. Graduating to the empty nest doesn’t have to be so empty. Becoming an empty nester is a graduation o sorts. It tends to sneak up on you and catch you by surprise.

The first significant graduation we may remember is our own from high school and or perhaps from college. Some time after our educational goals are met, many decide to wed and have children. Parenting little ones makes life very full. We want the best for our children and spend a large portion of our lives devoted to their development and well being. The adorable little children, who depended on us for everything, eventually grow up, mature and move away. When our children fly the coop, we tend to look back on those busy times with nostalgia. In our day-to-day living with children, we thought our parenting roles would never come to an end. Rather suddenly, we have graduated from diapers, homework and spending late nights worrying about our kids into the empty nest.

The empty nest is a stage of life that you know is eventually coming, but still may feel unprepared for it when it finally arrives. It may be a time of great joy and anticipation for some or sadness and depression for others. We find ourselves in a paradox of the familiar and unfamiliar. You may ask yourself, “It’s just you and me, honey! Now what???” Where have the years gone and more importantly how do I reconnect with my spouse? Maybe you need to redefine your marital relationship. How do you fill the void in your empty house and develop the closeness you once had with your spouse before children? No worries, this can be a time to refocus on your coupleness and get your relationship into full swing.

Reclaim, Reconnect and Restore Your Relationship By:

1. Showing Appreciation and Gratitude

In marriage, it is easy to take each other for granted. You may have been so busy running the household that you may have forgotten your manners. Remember to greet each other every day with a good morning kiss and a good night hug. Be mindful by keeping an inventory of all the kind and wonderful things your spouse does daily and express gratitude to him/her for making your life easier. The trash doesn’t get taken out by itself! Be generous with sincere compliments.

2. Getting Involved

Raising a family keeps you running, but have you found that you were often running in different directions? Has it been a while since you really took notice of your spouse and what they are passionate about? When was the last time you pursued the same hobby or activity as a couple? What common interest brought you together in the first place? Perhaps you used to enjoy biking, tennis or hiking in the woods. Invest time rekindling former hobbies and activities that you both can get involved in. Find a common interest. If you’re running in different directions…. rediscover each other. Do you like to travel? Now that you have less day to day responsibility monitoring children, you can focus in on what you used to like to do as a couple.

3. Playing and Laughing Together

When was the last time you had fun and spent time enjoying each other’s company without the help of media entertainment or electronic devices? Spending time and having fun together is the foundation of a sound martial house according to Dr. John Gottman. You might decide to surprise your partner with tickets to an interesting place or event or perhaps go out dancing or learn a new language together and visit that country.

4. Dating Your Mate

It sounds so cliché, but it really is a good habit to practice regularly. If you have let this practice go, now is the time to pick it up again. Plan a candlelight dinner, surprise your partner with flowers and make an effort to show your spouse how much you care.

5. Flirting

So often after living together for so long, you may have fallen into a pattern where you live more like roommates than lovers. Intimacy is the glue that keeps the relationship together through good times and not so good times. Studies have shown that having sexual intimacy in your relationship is key to your emotion and physical wellbeing. When was the last time you hugged and kissed each other like you did when you were first dating? Showing an interest in your partner’s world by encouraging him/her to tell you how life’s has been treating him/her lately and really listening to what he/she says is a great way to build trust and it can be very sexy.

These tips are easy and fun and things you probably already have thought of on your own, but have forgotten to make them a priority and actually do them. A handy tip may be to jot a reminder on your calendar or set a timer on your phone for repair, restoration and reconnection and then do it!

In the empty nest stage of your relationship you may want to write a new chapter in the “story of us”. You can begin and end this final chapter of your relationship in whatever way you choose. Hopefully, you choose to make it a happy ending! Sadly many couples believe they have nothing in common anymore and after the kids leave the nest, they decide to leave each other too!

If you have let your relationship go because of the kids and obligations and have lost your loving connection, it may be a good time to get into couples therapy and do some couple work to strengthen bonds to repair, reset and restore. You can reclaim your love that will last you a lifetime.